Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Maybe

8
Maybe it's the sun disappearing over the horizon long before the time of day at which I used to enjoy sitting in the park to just immerse myself and feel a part of nature.

Maybe it's the biting winter air, so charming when you have a pleasant destination to reach but an all but literal slap in the face when you have nowhere.

Maybe it's the inability to catch a break of late.

Maybe it's the slow but sure loss of my smile, apparently one of my defining features.

Maybe it's the draining quality of putting on a brave face constantly.

Maybe it's the dull constant weight on my chest that won't go away no matter how many beautiful films I see or magnificent pieces of literature in which I attempt to hide myself.

Maybe it's the sensation of bitter solitude despite the smiling faces and sympathetic words of wonderful friends.

Maybe it's the fact that though I know in the back of my mind that this cloud will pass and drop its silver lining at my feet any time now, I wish it would hurry the fuck up.

Maybe it's a culmination of the above and me being a whiny bitch today that makes me feel like this:

8 Response to Maybe

16 February 2010 at 10:50

I don't have much to say to this, except that you know the silver lining will show eventually. And that's all that really matters in the end.

Also, <3. You're all sorts of fantastic, and I sincerely hope your smile returns soon. It would be very depressing if that was lost.

17 February 2010 at 15:17

I feel this way sometimes, especially knowing I'm stuck here in this lifeless city where the streets are packed with the homeless and the promiscuous, when the only sense of community is at a football game involving shouting profanities at the other team, when we're forced to live inside for 6 months out of the year because it's -30 C outside and the fear of frostbite imprisons every single soul. It's hard to smile sometimes most definitely.

I only hope that good things come your way soon and return that smile to your face, and in the meantime you can enjoy the little things. Like knowing how great of a writer you are, that there are people halfway across the world who tried desperately to get a Mumford autograph for you (even if the attempt was an epic fail!) and that you live in a country that offers so much greatness to the world :)

Feel better soon my friend

17 February 2010 at 15:53

Your silver lining will show up. I hope it shows up soon for you. The world would be a terrible place if your smile disappeared.

You're awesome. Don't you ever forget it. :]

18 February 2010 at 00:00

Don't lose your charming smile, which is definitely one of your defining features!

Things will look up and in the meantime, enjoy whatever good you can make of your situation! Think of all the reading, blogging and music critiquing you've been able to do!

The fact that you haven't caught a break yet is clearly situational because you are an amazing person with so much to offer!!

If you would like more upbeat optimism and encouragement, you know where to find me :)

Oh and PS, the two-part story has taken a life of it's own and may end up being a 5-part story instead haha

18 February 2010 at 16:54

I concur with the above.

21 February 2010 at 16:09

Ugh, I'm in the same boat these days, I just have the winter blahs. I need for spring to turn the corner, for more sleep to come easily, and for everything to just calm down a couple notches!

Honestly, music helps. Even if it's old sad bastard music, as I like to call it =)

Sam
21 February 2010 at 17:48

I hope you're feeling a bit better now as I'm a little late commenting.. and even though this post is about being down, you still wrote it beautifully!

22 February 2010 at 01:49

We all feel this way sometimes. The inability to catch a break and wishing to find the silver lining can make anyone want to crawl away from the world and back into bed.

But I think you are awesome... and that you can handle anything.

Best,

Hannah Katy